I am really lacking for inspiration today, however my psychic medium told me that my dead grandmother said I should write every day. How you like my credibility now? Anyway… since I have nothing of true substance to post I thought I would discuss something that drives me insane. Namely,the sound of other people chewing. To those afflicted with this, you will completely understand the level of agitation I feel when confronted with a loud chewer. Those who aren’t will think I am insane. This is a risk I am willing to take for the sake of the Truth!
This is a real condition (even though my husband, D, swears I am just being a bitch) called misophonia and I am afflicted in a bad way. What I find interesting about my particular breed of misophonia is that it doesn’t always affect me. Sometimes, chewing doesn’t bother me at all. For instance, my daughter chews like an actual cow, mouth open and all, and it doesn’t even register on my radar. Other times….well let’s just say that I could probably kill you and not feel all that bad about it. Well, at least not until the chewing stops. I am only slightly exaggerating.
I would like to state for the record, and for the sake of my family, D is not an offensive chewer to anyone who isn’t afflicted with this condition. To me, the sound of his chewing is how I imagine kryptonite felt to superman, only with more rage and less physical weakness. As mentioned above, D thinks I am being a total asshole even though I have shown him proof that this condition exists. I am convinced he has a death wish because when he gets home from work he actually asks me to sit with him in the kitchen while he eats. I am torn because while I would like to spend time with him, I know myself well. It is usually ok for about 35 seconds and then I lose it. I have to tune it out in any available way, or leave the room before the crazy hits. Accordingly, I often miss key parts of our evening conversations. Then I get yelled at for not listening to him or for being addicted to my phone. What he fails to realize is that my iPhone is his veritable savior some nights.
As a result, D is now the world’s quietest chewer. I have given the man a full on complex regarding his chewing volume. It is a little sad and a lot funny. Sometimes, as revenge, he likes to point out how loud I am chewing. Hello, that isn’t the point. My own chewing doesn’t bother me. Yours does. So please eat your food elsewhere. You have a car, eat there. Does it really need to be said how lucky he is to have me? I am a real treasure to live with.