Bit off more than he could chew

I am really lacking for inspiration today, however my psychic medium told me that my dead grandmother said I should write every day. How you like my credibility now? Anyway… since I have nothing of true substance to post I thought I would discuss something that drives me insane. Namely,the sound of other people chewing.  To those afflicted with this, you will completely understand the level of agitation I feel when confronted with a loud chewer. Those who aren’t will think I am insane. This is a risk I am willing to take for the sake of the Truth!

This is a real condition (even though my husband, D, swears I am just being a bitch) called misophonia and I am afflicted in a bad way. What I find interesting about my particular breed of misophonia is that it doesn’t always affect me. Sometimes, chewing doesn’t bother me at all. For instance, my daughter chews like an actual cow, mouth open and all, and it doesn’t even register on my radar. Other times….well let’s just say that I could probably kill you and not feel all that bad about it. Well, at least not until the chewing stops. I am only slightly exaggerating.

I would like to state for the record, and for the sake of my family, D is not an offensive chewer to anyone who isn’t afflicted with this condition. To me, the sound of his chewing is how I imagine kryptonite felt to superman, only with more rage and less physical weakness. As mentioned above, D thinks I am being a total asshole even though I have shown him proof that this condition exists. I am convinced he has a death wish because when he gets home from work he actually asks me to sit with him in the kitchen while he eats. I am torn because while I would like to spend time with him, I know myself well. It is usually ok for about 35 seconds and then I lose it.  I have to tune it out in any available way, or leave the room before the crazy hits.  Accordingly, I often miss key parts of our evening conversations. Then I get yelled at for not listening to him or for being addicted to my phone. What he fails to realize is that my iPhone is his veritable savior some nights.

As a result, D is now the world’s quietest chewer. I have given the man a full on complex regarding his chewing volume. It is a little sad and a lot funny.  Sometimes,  as revenge, he likes to point out how loud I am chewing. Hello, that isn’t the point. My own chewing doesn’t bother me.  Yours does. So please eat your food elsewhere. You have a car, eat there. Does it really need to be said how lucky he is to have me? I am a real treasure to live with.

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5 thoughts on “Bit off more than he could chew

  1. Wow…my fiance has the SAME problem! (Or, rather, “I” do! Haha!) Sometimes I wonder how we are going to make it through a long and happy marriage when I think I might just kill him sometimes during the first year if I have to hear/see him injesting in my face another minute! Seriously, HOW does someone eat SO loudly?! HOW does that happen, during a BUSINESS LUNCHEON?!?! I a mortified at the thought! Did his mother not witness this growing up and attempt to correct it? I consider it a form of neglect in the utmost degree!

    Needless to say, I have already mentally committed to eradicating the habit in our future children! Think I can reverse the curse while simultaneously training the offspring?! I really consider it a form of Darwinism…a necessity for mankind. I feel you sister! Godspeed!

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  2. Thank you for addressing this serious issue, and for making me laugh in the process. There are people who I avoid being in food situations with because I know I could quite possibly hurt them — whether it be physically or emotionally. It’s nice to know I’m not alone!

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  3. I SO feel for you! Thank God I married a quiet chewer! I have had numerous situations in my life where MY misophonia (Thank you, Kelly Ripa for informing me of the NAME!!) has interfered. I actually PUNCHED a coworker once in the break room (I am NOT a violent person EXCEPT when faced with CHEWING sounds!!) … she came from behind me and chomped in my right ear – my fist went out reflexively!…. It causes TEMPORARY INSANITY!!!!!!! To have to deal on a daily basis with it..well, it’s questionable whether my love for ANYONE could bring me the calm and grace needed to deal with CHEWING in order to maintain THAT relationship.

    Thank you for the FUNNY look into my own world! BLESS YOU!!

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