Milk was a bad choice

So….it has been MONTHS since my last post. I could offer up a ton of excuses as to why I haven’t written but I don’t think anyone is interested as to why I gave up this blog. Suffice it to say, I am recommitted to giving this writing thing a go…primarily because I just can’t seem to find time to work on S’s baby book. This could very well wind up being her only means of learning about early years and well…I need to do better for her sake. I also need a way to remember all the crappy things she has done to me so that I can lord it over her when she is a teenager.

I have had many terrible road trip experiences in my day, but this last drive up to Syracuse may take the cake. We left Long Island at around 3:30 p.m. which was pure genius if you enjoy sitting in bumper to bumper traffic in the Bronx. I know I do! It took us 25 minutes to travel ONE mile. As an aside, I was on day 3 of a 3 day refresh cleanse and my dinner consisted of vegetables that I cooked about 2 hours prior to our departure. I was the definition of Hangry and I am quite certain I wasn’t the best travel companion. We had now been in the car for about 2 and a half hours. It typically takes about 40-45 minutes to reach this point. Glorious quality time with the family!

We FINALLY made it passed the “black hole of suck” that is the on ramp to the GW bridge and we were looking forward to smooth sailing…for about 5 minutes. The clouds rolled in and we happened upon the mother of all thunderstorms. Visibility was zero and I had to pee so badly it was painful. D had no choice but to pull over to the nearest rest stop. I ran from the car to the door (probably about 50 feet) and was so throughly soaked that people laughed at me when I walked into the rest stop.

Bet you are wondering when this will come around to S and her part in this story…don’t worry I’ll get there. I get back in the car and my sister in law calls. She lobbies for us to spend the night in Albany with her and her family. We weren’t yet ready to admit defeat, so we decline. Onward and upward to Syracuse (still a good 4 hours away at this point). I am drenched and freezing in the air-conditioned car but I put on a cardigan and man up. S begins fussing in the back so I climb between the two carseats and give her a bottle and some dinner. I might need the jaws of life to get me out, but still everything is fine until…S looks me dead in the face, lets out a burp that would rival that of a 500 lb man and proceeds to projectile vomit milk and blueberries all over herself, the carseat, the seat of the car in front of her and, you guessed it, me. It just kept coming and I had nothing to stanch the flow save my hands. Once she was finished she looked up at me, smiled her killer smile, and all was right with her.

The smell was unbelievable. Think spoiled milk and fruit in the hot sun. I have a pretty weak gag reflex under the best circumstances, and this was just short of the worst. I couldn’t hide my face in my sleeve as my sleeve was coated in milk puke. O chimed in “something smells disgusting”. She then repeated that statement no less than one billion times in the 15 minutes it took to reach the next rest stop.

I cleaned S and myself up as best I could. Baby wipes cover a multitude of sins; however they are no match for exorcist vomit. We were now 4 hours into a journey that should have taken 2 hours tops. We decided to throw in the towel and go somewhere that had a washing machine and a hot shower. We called my sister in law, asked her to secure a pack in play for the puker, and headed toward the Capital of this glorious state. I will save the logistics of washing a Britax car seat cover for a later post.

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